Recently, my
wonderful daughter-in-law Jen recommended that a young woman come and live with
us. This woman would be a Clapp, like Shayna and Rachel and Heather. Shayna
came to us recommended by Anny. Rachel was recommended by Margaret. Heather recommended
by a good friend at church.
Shayna, Rachel, and Heather have been a source of joy and growth.
My heart doesn’t know the difference between them and the children who have always
been mine. There’s a lump in my throat every time they introduce me as their
mother.
Jen’s friend is from Texas. She would live with us, work and
go to school. Jen knows me. She said, “Don’t get too excited yet. She might
decide not to come.” And I tried to take her advice. But, my
child-like heart kept singing, “Our new daughter is on the way."
It turned out that Jen’s friend was “amazed,” that people
she didn’t know would take her in. Just ask Sami Jo, who lived with us last
year. Jen’s friend decided not to come.
I don’t know if I would trade sunny Texas for NEPA. I don’t know
if I would hop on a plane and dive into a new life. But I cried when Jen said
our new daughter wasn’t coming. All my plans blew away like dust. I looked forward to hearing a life story and
contributing something to it. I looked forward to having a Texas daughter to be
proud of.
I mourned for a few days. I tried to think of a way to
protect my heart. But there is no way. My heart is an accordion file. It opens
to accommodate those who need it. I can’t hold it back. I don’t know how else
to love.
It’s risky, stepping into someone else's life. But my
children, both extras and originals, have always given me more than I’ve given
them. My deceased friends, and family, people I’ve lost touch with, have made
me rich.
There are people around me who hardly have a place in my accordion-file.
I’ve gotten scared and lazy. It’s about time to love them too.
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