What I Learned

This blog is about what I learn, about what I welcome into my world.  Life lessons like: when I have the flu I eat chicken soup, doze in front of old movies on TCM, but mostly I’m sick until I’m better. 

Same as grief.

I’m sad until I’m not. First I’m debilitated by sadness.  A half-hour goes by and I’m amazed I’ve had the strength to breath that long. Slowly nanoseconds pass and I’m still on my feet. I function like a person with a cold. As my mother used to say, “she’s not running on all eight cylinders.” Too bad if anybody thinks I should or even I can. 

Eventually a year staggers by. I’m sad on all the firsts: first Christmas missing someone, my birthday, her birthday. Then the firsts are done with.  

Time begins again but I don’t let anybody lie to me by saying time heals all wounds. I don’t feel like an amputee anymore, but that’s because I’ve learned to adapt.  

I’m still sad when I need to be. I know what reminds me of the missing one, but I also know I’m better off letting the sad in for a day or two. It’s like housecleaning. I hate it but it’s good when it’s done.

Eventually ten years go by. I still want to call the missing one when something big happens. I find myself making a plan to talk to her later. 

Only it will be much later. I am God’s, and she is His. Later will be eternity. Where I won’t get the flu or deal with bouts of grief. Anymore. Forever!